Posts Tagged ‘gestational surrogate’
November 13th, 2013
Not too long ago the Huffington Post ran a great article about what you shouldn’t ever say to a gestational surrogate. The article talked about what a lovely act of love and kindness gestational surrogates do for intended parents – and how dismayed the author was to read the following comment:
“And just think of all the money you’ll get.”
Aside from this being a rude and inappropriate comment it’s clear that some don’t understand the real reasons behind the motivation of gestational carriers. And it’s certainly not about money.
There are many reason that women have for wanting to become a surrogate mother. The first and foremost is they want to give to another intended parent what they have – the gift of life. They want to make it possible for other parents to know and feel that utter bliss of become a mom or a dad.
• For some it’s a vocation or a calling.
• For others it’s a way to give back – they want to make a difference in the world in a meaningful way.
• It’s a gift of love. It’s a gift of joy. These mom’s love their babies, they love being mothers, and they want to simply share their gift with others.
• They may know someone who is faced with infertility and this is their way of helping.
It’s never really about the money – there’s a lot more to it than that.
To find out more about becoming a surrogate mother, or to search our database of available surrogate mothers, please visit Fertility SOURCE Companies surrogacy website at: http://www.TheSurrogacySOURCE.com
October 4th, 2013
Whether you are a pregnant intended mother or a pregnant gestational surrogate carrying for intended parents it’s important to be in the best shape you can be during your pregnancy.
• See your care provider regularly – this one is a no brainer right? Regular prenatal checkups are key to a healthy pregnancy. If you suspect you are running any kind of fever, or have any sort of infection call your care provider right away. Same goes if you spot, bleed, have any sort of discharge that isn’t normal to you, or pain.
• Eat well — that means a balanced diet with enough folic acid. Eat from the four food groups and drink 96 ounces of water a day. Stay hydrated! If you aren’t sure what you should be eating ask your care provider about the right kinds of foods to eat in pregnancy.
• Be active! It used to be thought many years ago that pregnant women needed to lay around and stay quiet – no so anymore. Women who have no complications in their pregnancy are encouraged to get regular exercise – walking, swimming, strength conditioning. Stay hydrated, don’t exercise if you aren’t feeling good or if it’s really hot. Talk to your care provider about those sports and exercises you can safely participate in.
• Don’t scrimp on the Z’s (get plenty of rest) – the baby inside of you is going to increase in size 6 million times! It’s going to take from you to grow that means you need to maintain your rest. Go to bed earlier, get up later, and the best part – take naps! If sleep evades you like it can just lay down and try to be quiet putting your feet up as whenever you can. This is a great time to begin to share housework or other household chores with your partner if you have one. The bigger you get (as your pregnancy advances) begin lying on your left side – and be generous with pillows. One under your belly, one in the small of your back and maybe one between your knees.
• Before you take any medicine talk to your care provider even if they are over the counter. Some OTC meds have been linked to birth defects its always better to be safe than sorry.
• Be proactive and avoid all harmful substances. We know the usual suspects – no smoking, no drinking, and things like paint, varnish, glue, fumes, and some hair dyes are dangerous.
• This isn’t a time to be a dare devil or an acrobat – you are bigger now, your joints are not as stable as they were when you were not pregnant, your belly is ever expanding. Your center of gravity has changed – you won’t be as solid on your feet. Think twice about biking or roller skating – your risk of falling has increased. And please avoid climbing ladders okay? For that matter stay off chairs to hang curtains – ask for help.
Always wear your seat belt when driving or riding in a motor vehicle or plane.
September 16th, 2013
After selecting a surrogacy or egg donor agency, the knee jerk reaction might be “Sure why not” However, that isn’t correct. The answer should be – You always need a lawyer who specializes in third party reproduction to create a legal agreement between you and your egg donor or gestational surrogate.
It makes common sense – no two lawyers are created alike. Granted all lawyers go to law school to earn a Juris Doctorate. However, each lawyer chooses a specialty to practice. Some lawyers choose family law, while others choose things like patent law, business law, real estate law, international law, criminal lawyers, tax lawyers, insurance lawyers, divorce lawyer, etc..
You get the idea.
Catherine Tucker from The Law Office of Catherine Tucker shared with us:
“I get asked this question a lot, and I definitely do not recommend trying to handle the legal piece yourself. A properly constructed legal agreement is simply the best way to protect yourself and your family. Egg donation is an extremely complex and technical area of the law that draws upon concepts from many different legal areas, such as presumptions of maternity and paternity, property law, general contract principles, medical malpractice and liability, and choice of law principles. Unless you are well-versed in how all of these specific areas of the law interplay with regards to an egg donation arrangement, you cannot competently prepare a comprehensive egg donation agreement, nor can you competently review an agreement prepared by the other party. While I absolutely understand that egg donation is a very expensive undertaking, the legal fees are relatively reasonable in the grand scheme of all the expenses involved.”
Let’s translate this into finding a physician. You are seeking the assistance of a Reproductive Endocrinologist to help you have a child via egg donation. Would you see a brain surgeon, an internist, a psychiatrist, or a cardiologist to help you have a baby?
No, of course not. They are all doctors but they all have their own specialties just like lawyers.
You wouldn’t defend yourself in court regardless of whether you are a trial lawyer or not. Most lawyers will tell you that the conventional wisdom dictates that representing yourself in court which is known as pro se representation, is a bad idea. There’s a really old saying that a person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. In fact, The Supreme Court quoted a law professor’s statement that “a pro se defense is usually a bad defense.
The same thing goes for physicians – they don’t treat themselves or their family members they go to other doctors for things like that.
July 18th, 2013
Surrogacy is expensive – incredibly expensive and it’s also complicated. That’s why it’s important to employ a professional surrogacy agency, a great IVF clinic and an excellent reproductive lawyer to help navigate through uncharted waters. However, it’s important to remember that during our quest to become parents we can feel extremely vulnerable, overwhelmed and sometimes downright desperate.
Here are a few tips of what not to do if you are going to create a gestational surrogacy arrangement on your own.
• Don’t ever enter into a surrogacy arrangement without a legal contract. That also means do not under any circumstance download a contract from the internet. Even if you are a lawyer yourself have someone else draft the contract.
• Don’t ever work with a potential gestational surrogate who’s never given birth to a child of her own. It’s important the GS have a child of her own, knows what it means to parent, and what pregnancy is like.
• In the same breath don’t work with a woman under 21. This is a big deal and a huge responsibility and many IVF clinics will tell you that they require any surrogate mother to be at least 21 years of age.
• If you are a single mother by choice – make sure you obtain sperm from a trusted source like a sperm bank. This isn’t a time to make nice with a former spouse, boyfriend or partner. It’s going to cause many headaches in the future and again regardless of who you obtain sperm from two words: LEGAL CONTRACT.
• Make sure the gestational carrier (surrogate mother) you work with lives in a state where surrogacy is not only legal but lives in a state where commercial surrogacy contracts are enforceable.
• For goodness sake please don’t ever do home inseminations with a turkey baster. Have all of your treatment conducted at a fertility clinic.
• You both need to undergo a visit with a reproductive psychologist. You to talk about any grief issues that you might not have addressed and how you are feeling about relying on another to carry your baby. And even more importantly your gestational surrogate needs to undergo a psychological evaluation which will consist of a test administered by a therapist and then the psychological interview. Listen to your therapist’s outcome.
• Regarding paying bills – pay them ALL ON TIME and always use an escrow service. Don’t pay them yourself.
• Spell it all out in your legal contract – from A to Z. That’s why it’s so incredibly important to hire a lawyer.
• Many say don’t ever have your gestational surrogate come live with you for more than ten days at a time.
From my point of view braving it on your own and creating your own surrogacy arrangement is crazy. This isn’t like buying a house, car or a boat. This is about becoming a parent using third party assisted reproduction, and there’s lots that goes into that and it can be really complicated. That’s why it’s important to hire professionals along the way to create a team for you, and to set you all up for success with a great outcome.
July 16th, 2013
One of the most selfless things one woman can do for another is to become a gestational surrogate. This isn’t a walk in the park, it’s not easy, and you are going to need a lot of support from friends and family. However, it’s going to rate right up there as one of the most fulfilling things you will ever embark on aside from having your own children. That’s why it’s incredibly important to remember that the support you receive from your friends and family are going to be what helps you those most in dealing with all of those crazy emotions you might feel during pregnancy.
Education is going to be your best tool when deciding to become a surrogate. Educating yourself, your husband (or partner), your folks, your siblings, your kids all about surrogacy will help as you go through the process.
So when should you tell?
We think the best time to tell your immediate family about your choice to become a surrogate mother is when you yourself have decided that this is something you really want to do and you’ve made a firm decision to become a surrogate. Write down your reasons so they are clear in your head so you can see in black and white the purpose of your choice and what made you decide to want to become a surrogate mother. Honesty is always the best policy always when talking to your family about your desire – because they all need to be on board for this to work the way it’s supposed to.
When you talk to your kids about your choice to become a surrogate mother teach them that its going to take time – 9 months most likely. It’s not something that’s going to happen overnight, next week, or even next month. Share with them that it took them 9 months to be born and that all great things take time to make and this is no exception. Like anything important when we talk to our kids we need to realize that it’s all in the presentation. If you don’t make it weird, if you treat is with sensitivity your kids will respond in kind. And whatever you do don’t just dump your decision on them the week before you have an embryo transfer. No one likes or appreciates information overload – and your kids are no different. Introduce the idea of you becoming a surrogate over a period of time. You might for instance what to have them meet the intended parents if that’s possible or maybe a Skype session with them. During this time both parties can talk about families and how all different kinds of families are made and how you are going to help this set of parents become a Mommy and Daddy like you and your partner letting your kids take the lead and ask the questions they need to ask to become comfortable.
Regarding your friends and family – there’s two schools of thought on this. One school of thought is to not let your choice be known to be a surrogate right away. Many say that it’s best to let your decision to carry a pregnancy for another come up in conversation naturally – be happy, at ease, and confident about your choice. Again, if you aren’t weird about it the reception of others around you won’t be either. If you are scared, or nervous about how they might react they are going to sense that and odds are they are going to worry about the effect this might have on you and question your decision.
The other school of thought is to begin sharing your desire to become a gestational surrogate right away with your family and close friends. That you can talk through your reasons and motivations in carrying a baby for another who can’t carry on their own. This way you can garner support early on and that these kinds of conversations are helpful and beneficial in the decision making process.
Now keep in mind that it’s possible that you might find some resistance – and some won’t accept or agree with your choice to become a surrogate mother. If this is something you are set on doing then don’t allow their opinions to sway your choice.
Will your surrogate pregnancy affect those around you who are closest to you? Of course it will and if you think it won’t you are fooling yourself. That’s why is really important for your friends and family to be educated, prepared and supportive of you. Their support is going to play a big factor in the success of the cycle and pregnancy.
What about the baby they might ask. It should be made clear and understood the baby you are having is for another family not your family. This baby will never be a member of your family. It’s not going to be a cousin, a brother, a sister, niece, nephew, or a grandchild. We can’t emphasize enough that your children need to realize clearly they aren’t going to get another baby sister or baby brother and what you are doing is for someone else that can’t have a baby on their own.
Lean on your surrogacy agency, your care provider, friends, family or therapist to help you with the explanation of some of this information – it can sometimes be complicated.
Being a gestational surrogate is going to be one of the most generous acts of kindness you will ever give to another. You will be creating new bonds during this time that will affect your entire family and support circle. It’s a time to rejoice that you are helping someone else become a mother or a father.
July 16th, 2013
Regardless of whether you are carrying a pregnancy yourself or your gestational surrogate is carrying your baby for you the two week for a positive pregnancy result wait might as well be the two year wait! Everyone involved is always on pins and needles waiting!
Also, it doesn’t matter if this is your first two week wait or your fifth to manage it, to get through it, to survive you have to develop a strategy – better yet a system.
I know, I know, some might say – “Oh gosh it’s just two weeks out of your entire life” and my reply to that is – “Two weeks is a really long time to wait to find out something that is so incredibly important to you and your partner.”
There are lots of ways you can survive. Some create systems that are complicated with lots of rules. Some intended parents or gestational surrogates take fastidious notes regarding symptoms or lack of symptoms. Then many intended parents or their GS’s often POAS (Pee on a stick). That decision can be excruciating and it’s incredibly controversial. Many test early and often – I am an early tester. There is no way I want the nurse on the other end of the phone to be giving me the bad news – I want to already know it and get the ugly cry out of the way. Because we take so many drugs during this time we can drive ourselves nuts with symptoms and that’s a reason why some intended parents just don’t test and wait for the beta.
My first tip:
DISTRACT YOURSELF (Sung to Madonna’s Respect Yourself).
It doesn’t matter what the activity. Sort a sock drawer. Alphabetize and categorize your movie collection. Clean your silver. Clean your home and all of the closets. Keep your daily routine. Go to the gym if your doctor says yes. Start a new craft project. Play games. Organize anything you can get your hands on – (photo’s, books, CD,’s). Start a new book – something funny and light that can sail you through the next two weeks. Talk on the phone, call friends you haven’t talked to in a while but have been meaning to. Email all your friends.
What else –
• If you aren’t undergoing acupuncture go now it’s can’t hurt. Go for a long drive – go check out the part of town or the city or country you have been
• Listen to your favorite music or meditations on CD
• Read something light and funny
• Watch a video or go to the movies
• Chat on the phone, email all your friends
• Sit on a park bench and people-watch
• Make a list of things you’ve never seen in your town (stores or tourist sites you haven’t been to) and then go see them
• How about the zoo? Been there in a while?
• Museums are great time wasters.
• Start an online game –those can pass the time quickly.
• Walk a dog (yours, a friends, or volunteer at a local rescue)
• Get a pedicure
• Retail therapy – GO SHOPPING!
• Cooking! Make that dish you have been meaning to.
• Watch all of the past episodes of The Barefoot Contessa, Master Chef, or Hell’s Kitchen!
• For that matter go on a trash TV marathon!
• Invite a friend over for decaf coffee or tea. Serve fresh Pineapple for the fresh bromelain…
• Check out your local bookstore or library
• Research a place you’d like to vacation
Try going to brunch, or a picnic. How about a club that is smokeless? Garden, plant flowers, go sunbathing! You can always rough it and go camping, take in a lovely sunset, go to the beach—are you looking for a new church or synagogue? I know for me, ice cream makes everything better.
The ideas are endless – the message is, stay busy! And before you know it your beta test or your gestational surrogates beta test will be here.
And then you are on to your next milestone! The first ultrasound!
Hang in there – we are by the sidelines cheering you on!
June 5th, 2013
As an intended parent one of the most important decisions you are going to be making as you embark upon gestational surrogacy is who will carry and deliver your baby. It can be a scary time. It can be a happy time as well as an overwhelming time – and many who have gone before you will tell you it’s truly an adventure of a life time!
Your partners in all of this are going to be your surrogacy agency, your lawyer, and most importantly your Reproductive Endocrinologist. Your doctor is going to look over and screen your potential gestational surrogate’s entire medical history. Your IVF doctor will be looking for anything that would suggest your gestational surrogate / gestational carrier (GS / GC) might be a risk for complications during pregnancy, miscarriage risks, or anything that would indicate that she wouldn’t be a good candidate for gestational surrogacy. Your doctor is going to want to know if the potential GS is able to carry twins. Would she have any sort of medical issues that would cause the pregnancy to be a risk. Things like that.
Next the potential GS will have a physical exam as well as other kinds of testing. Her uterus will be examined, she will undergo blood work. If she’s married or partnered her partner will have his or her own blood work for infectious disease screening. The GS will have her previous pregnancy history examined to look for things like miscarriage, premature delivery, gestational diabetes, how her delivery went, bleeding issues etc… The doctor will leave no stone unturned as he or she will review everything focusing on any sort of risk factors.
What’s the ideal gestational surrogate? A woman who’s had at least one successful pregnancy before that’s gone full term without any complications. It helps if the GS has carried for other parents and shown she can carry a baby healthily and safely with having no emotional issues with giving the baby(s) to you the intended parent and then move on with whatever relationship both parties have intended. The potential GS will also meet with a psychologist or therapist to talk about potential emotional issues and if the GS is emotionally prepared to take on the huge responsibility of carrying your baby, the ability to carry the baby safely and healthily and last but not least the ability to give your baby to you after delivery in a healthy way.
When we think of gestational surrogates we have this woman in mind that is height and weight appropriate – healthy, has easy pregnancies and even easier deliveries. Intended parents are looking for that “something” that’s going to tell them equivocally that this GS is “the one” someone who stands apart from everyone else they may have interviewed.
As you wade through profiles and finally move on to interviews you might want to keep this list handy and in the back of your mind when talking to potential gestational surrogates.
• Does this GS demonstrate that she’s committed 100000% to the cycle, pregnancy and the entire surrogacy process?
• How easily do you think or your agency think she will be to communicate with? For instance how easy is she to reach? Does she have more than one method of communication that as intended parents you can reach her by?
• This might seem elementary (no pun intended) but how well can the GS follow the directions given to her by her doctor? Or agency? Or yourself? How proactive is she to call her doctor if she has ANY questions or if there is ANYTHING she doesn’t understand?
• What does she tell you about her diet? Is she a person who eats good, healthy food? Drinks plenty of water and tries to stay away from fast-food, junk food, and stuff that’s not great for her?
• What’s her take about cigarette smoking and alcohol use during pregnancy? The answer should be “I am not a smoker and I do not drink any alcohol as well as limit my caffeine use during pregnancy” If she says anything other than that – pass.
• Will she put your needs and your babies needs first in front of her during the pregnancy? How does she feel about selective reduction or termination of a pregnancy?
• Does the GS like to be healthy, active, and exercise? Being in the best shape possible is incredibly important during pregnancy.
• What kind of family support does the GS have? Does she have a good support network besides yourself, the agency, and her doctor?
• It’s been said over and over a good gestational surrogate doesn’t need the money she is going to earn by carrying your baby. What’s your GS say about the money part of things. Is the extra money just for a rainy day or is the money she is depending upon. That’s something you want to iron out early before you commit.
• How educated is your GS about the whole process. How does she feel about talking to others about what she’s doing and educating them about what she’s doing?
The relationship you will have with your GS is going to last a lifetime. This will always be someone who will have a special place in your heart as well as your children’s life. That’s why it’s incredibly important that when you select a GS you choose wisely and choose a GS that’s going to be a great fit within your family.
Another way to look at this is selecting a GS is sort of like dating – Dating you say? Yes, dating, in that when we date another we are doing what? Gathering information about the other person. Discovering what we have in common. Are they a good fit? Do they mesh with my belief systems? Are they a good person? How many times in your life have you met someone you thought was amazing but shortly thereafter found they weren’t as amazing as you might have liked?
Granted you are not going to have a romantic relationship with your gestational surrogate – but you are going to be involved intimately in each other’s life – and when we say intimately we don’t mean again in any sort of romantic way we mean this person is going to be carrying your baby and there’s nothing more intimate than that –seriously.
There’s so much to talk about – How much involvement do you plan to have with your GS during the cycle, pregnancy and after your children are born? Are you going to want frequent interaction? Do you want regular updates? How hands-on are you going to want to be? The majority of gestational surrogates welcome, and encourage their intended parents to be hands-on. They love to share with their intended parent’s weekly progress – they love to be connected as much as possible. And why wouldn’t they? They are carrying precious cargo for YOU! After your baby(s) are born what kind of contact and/or relationship do you foresee having with your GS? Is she going to be a special Aunt? Or someone you connect with once a year. Will this person serve any role as your children grow through their childhood – through the teen years and beyond?
As you see – there is so much to think about when selecting a Gestational Surrogate. This means surround yourself with the best possible people beginning with your REI, the surrogacy agency, a great surrogacy consultant, a wonderful lawyer, a great therapist, a great OBGYN, and most importantly an amazing Gestational Surrogate.
May 15th, 2013
Lots of intended parents look at gestational surrogacy purely as a business arrangement, while it is a business arrangement it’s also something much more. Let’s face it when intended parents embark upon a gestational surrogacy cycle its new for them – there’s so much unchartered territory to navigate through. Aside from all that it’s downright expensive so heck yes keeping your mind on the dollars part of this is normal.
I can’t help but think that the contract and business piece of this arrangement is just the beginning much like conception of a pregnancy! Yes, the Gestational Surrogate is being compensated for her time, trouble, pain and inconvenience to herself as well as her family; however, the many surrogate mothers I have talked to over the years tell me that they do this because they want to help. Their own pregnancies have been easy and seamless and this seems like a great way to help another family who can’t do what she’s able to do and also perhaps help her family.
Think of it like this – while your Surrogate Mother will form a bond with your baby she is also creating a lifelong bond with you! Carrying a baby for you is what’s making her very happy and just think how joyful she’s going to feel when that baby is placed in your arms.
When you select a gestational surrogate to carry a baby on your behalf you are going to be forging a lifetime relationship. It’s important for you to think about the type of personal involvement you visualize with your surrogate mother – during the IVF cycle, throughout the pregnancy and of course after your baby is born and as your child grows older.
What kind of a person are you? Are you a person who’s going to want a relationship with your surrogate mother? Are you for instance a “hands on” person who’s going to want to have regular interaction with your gestational surrogate in addition to regular updates about the pregnancy and her prenatal care? Many surrogate mothers enjoy regular contact from their intended parents. It helps make the process more personal. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your surrogate mother even after your baby is born? What kind of role do you want your surrogate mother to play in your child’s life? When you explore the above and can answer those questions it’s going to help you decide what kind of relationship you might embark upon with your surrogate mother it and becomes easier to identify the surrogate mother who is going to be most compatible with your family-building ideals and child-raising values.
First thing’s first – talk, talk, and then talk some more. You can’t talk too much when you are in the discovery phase of selecting a gestational surrogate. Once your surrogate mother is selected treat her how you’d like to be treated. Learn about her likes, her dislikes, what bugs her, what causes her anxiety, what makes her happy. Much like you. Regardless of how we look at this – selecting an egg donor or a gestational surrogate is much like dating, this is all about cultivating a forming a relationship.
See a therapist who specializes in fertility – I can’t emphasize that piece enough. A therapist will help you through those portions of the cycle that you both might feel weird about. For instance you might want to know how the surrogate mother is going to feel when she has the baby and the baby is then given to you. Maybe you might feel weird asking that question.
And again, I know this sounds like a broken record but talk, talk and talk some more. It goes both ways the line of communication need to remain open for all parties to be on the same page.
Remember your surrogate mother is wanting nothing more than to make you, the intended parent, happy and feeling good and secure about the choice they made in contracting with her to carry your baby. Again, because this is much like dating sometimes intended parents don’t really know what to say or how to break the ice. This is a woman you don’t know, who is a stranger who’s going to open up her life, her family and her uterus for you so you can become a parent. Kind of intimidating yes?
Skype, call or if you can go see her. Meet her in person. Bring her a small gift, hug her, and send her a card. Let her know how appreciative of her you are. Its super important you are compatible with her and feel comfortable exchanging information and communicating with her.
Schedule regular meetings with her – once a week at least to see how she’s doing or if just to see if she needs anything. This is a great way to show your support. Now I know no one likes anyone looking over their shoulder or micromanaged – these women have been pregnant before they know what it’s like to be pregnant so keep in mind there’s a fine balance! While you don’t want her to feel like she’s a bug under a microscope you don’t want her to feel all alone either.
There’s a lot of trust that goes into this process. Your surrogate mother has common sense and you have to trust her to use it – that means you have to trust her regarding what she eats, how much she sleeps, her overall health, her ability to make her OB appointments and other medical testing that goes with pregnancy.
It’s all about letting go – and relinquishing control which is really hard for anyone to do especially infertility patients who have had to already let go of so much control already regarding their reproductive choices. However, this is imperative if you are going to stay sane throughout this entire process and maintain a positive relationship with your gestational carrier.
The Surrogacy SOURCE staff is here to help guide you through the process, from start to finish (choosing a surrogate mother to joining you at her delivery of your baby).
For more information on The Surrogacy SOURCE, or to view our roster of available surrogates, please visit us at : http://www.TheSurrogacySOURCE.com
May 10th, 2013
Dealing with infertility and accepting the reality you need help having a baby is often difficult. We “What if” ourselves a lot. We bargain. We cry. We become angry. So when we hear the news that to have a child we need to rely on a gestational carrier not only can that be a big pill to swallow we need to think about if this is something we are ready for.
Making the choice to have a baby via gestational surrogacy is a decision that is going to affect a lot of people. Because of how intimate and delicate these situations are it can take a toll on everyone’s emotions. There is so much to take in, work through, process and consider – the feelings of your surrogate as well as her family, your unborn baby, as well as yourself.
• The biggest question you must ask yourself is how you feel about someone else other than yourself carrying a baby on your behalf?
• If you are married or partnered are you both on the same page? Are you both ready? If you are single do you have a good support system to help you through this process?
• Are you ready to make the leap from your current fertility treatment to the next stage which is surrogacy?
• Have you thought about how you are going to talk about gestational surrogacy and the explanations surrounding this to your family, your friends and most importantly to your child?
Then of course you have to think about selecting a gestational carrier, the time commitment from all parties, the medical procedures that will be required, the legal process that is going to be involved, travel considerations, what a gestational surrogate pregnancy will look like, the delivery plan and all of the post-delivery details.
All of these things can be talked through, worked out and processed with the help of a professional team to help you navigate and facilitate the experience.
Your team should consist of:
• A psychologist who is familiar with infertility and third party reproduction. He or she will help you talk through the feelings you may be having regarding infertility, grief, surrogacy, your treatment plan, pregnancy, bonding and parenting.
• An experienced surrogacy agency that will facilitate and coordinate your entire process – from A-Z. Your agency is the glue that keeps everything stuck together.
• An experienced fertility clinic that is your medical team that will do the medical piece of the surrogacy cycle.
• An experienced lawyer who is well versed in surrogacy, third party reproduction and the laws pertaining to that.
• A strong support system – friends, family, or community that you can lean on during the cycle.
• And last but not least – your surrogate. Finding the right surrogate takes time. It’s important to find a gestational surrogate that’s going to be a good fit for you and your family.
Granted there’s lots to think about as you make the leap from carrying a baby yourself to contracting with a surrogate to carry your baby on your behalf. However, surrogate cycles are done every day, all over the world and there are many happy, healthy outcomes. It just takes work, commitment, and patience.
We hope this takes a little of the stress off your decision making. For more information on using a surrogate mother through gestational surrogacy, please check out our website at http://www.TheSurrogacySOURCE.com
March 20th, 2012
When a woman first thinks about becoming a surrogate mother, often times the thing that comes to mind is how easy it was for HER to have become pregnant and given birth to her own child/ren. We often hear a woman state “my husband just has to look at me and I become pregnant” or “we just talked about adding to our family and the next thing we knew, we were expecting number 4!”. But we all know that is not how surrogacy works! (and if you don’t then just read on!)
First of all a surrogate mother’s husband is not involved in getting her pregnant! His sperm has nothing to do with the process so if the intended parents are having male factor issues, that right there could mean a long haul for everyone involved. For a Gestational Surrogate (also referred to as Gestational Carrier), her eggs are not being used in this process either so if egg quality is a factor that could mean failed transfers as well. For a woman, the new surrogate mother, who has never experienced failure when attempting to become pregnant, this could be an unwelcome experience!
Second, becoming pregnant via IVF is no picnic. As many intended mothers can tell you, the pills, shots, creams, blood draws and appointments can get old fast! It is a huge responsibility to agree to become a surrogate mother for someone else and agree to put your own life and, lets face it, physical comfort on hold while you attempt to become pregnant with someone else’s child.
Third, your family also is impacted by whatever happens during the surrogacy journey. No matter if the process goes relatively smoothly or if there are canceled transfers, chemical pregnancies, miscarriages or a rift in the relationship, families are always involved and effected.
All of these issues can be minimalized by having a great surrogacy agency by your side. The initial phone call should educate a woman who wants to become a surrogate mother to all of the responsibilities that she needs to be aware of within the surrogacy process. And these responsibilities will be repeated throughout the matching and contract phase of the program. No surrogate mother should have any question about what is expected of her or where she can turn for answers and support!
This is just the tip of the iceberg and we want to hear your comments!
What were your biggest surprises when you first looked into surrogacy? What are some of the things you wish you knew when you started the process of becoming a surrogate mother?
Please share your best advice! We want to hear from you!!