Posts Tagged ‘intended parents’
October 29th, 2013
Intended parents, industry professionals and most importantly gestational carriers might have concerns about what a gestational surrogate may experience after the baby they have been carrying for someone else for the past nine months – and rightly so. This is a big deal, it’s a huge responsibility and there are many emotions involved.
We know that many intended parents have a positive, healthy, and great relationship with their gestational surrogate. It’s normal for them to worry about her after the baby is born. How is she going to feel? With there be feelings of attachment to the baby? Will their gestational surrogate want to bond with the baby? With them? Their family? Because many women experience post-partum depression after pregnancy will this possibly hit her harder because she gave the baby she was carrying back to the intended parents? And last but not least – is she going to feel lonely, unsupported, maybe even used? These are all real worries that most intended parents have when embarking upon their surrogacy journey.
Yes, a gestational surrogacy pregnancy is different than having a baby of your own. However, a pregnancy is a pregnancy is a pregnancy and post-partum depression still happens and those feelings can be increased through surrogacy. Why? Lots of reasons – if the gestational surrogate isn’t worried about the feelings of attachment or even detachment from the baby – she might feel alone, lonely for her intended parents. After all, she’s spent a lot of time with her intended parents communicating with them – and so has her family. She and her family might have had daily contact with their intended parents talking about all kinds of things – personal things. Let’s face it nothing is more personal than having a baby right? For some gestational surrogates the intended parents accompany her to the embryo transfer, the ultrasound, OBGYN appointments and delivery.
Emotions after delivery often run deep and it’s understandable how a gestational surrogate might feel sad, confused, or even abandoned. These are all normal kinds of feelings to have. Sharon LaMothe gestational surrogacy industry professional is spot on with her analysis:
“The message has been sent that feeling detached at birth is a good thing which, by human nature, is not a normal emotion when a baby is brought into this world. We want moms and babies to bond…but in this case it isn’t what the Intended Parents want to have happen unless it’s them doing the bonding! Add on top of this the fact that the Surrogate has become very attached to her Intended Parents. Because communication usually ramps up near the end of the pregnancy, with more phone calls, appointments and plans, IPs and their surrogate can be closer emotionally than ever before. Although the Surrogate is preparing her family for the eventful day and the Intended Parents are checking their list to make sure all is in order on their end, the possibility of some sort of depression or even regret sneaking in can take everyone involved by surprise.”
What we do know about post-partum depression (PPD) occurs in roughly 15-20% of women anywhere from 4-8 weeks after delivery. Women who often have a tougher time with PPD are those who have experienced PMS, who have undergone major emotional stressors in their life, lack of family or social support during pregnancy, or have had previous anxiety issues.
What does PPD feel like? It can come in many forms – bouts of crying or tearfulness, not being able to sleep, excessive tiredness (more than what’s to be expected after giving birth), not being able to concentrate, suicidal thoughts, feeling depressed, not wanting to get out of bed, change in appetite, feeling inadequate, the inability to enjoy things you used to. Not being able to care for your family.
The causes of PPD don’t change because of gestational surrogacy they are the same for every woman who’s given birth but there are different factors to consider regarding surrogacy. Aside from the normal drastic change in hormone levels in the body ( estrogen, progesterone and cortisol decreasing rapidly and considerably after delivery), maybe not feeling great, pain if she’s had a c-section, feeling less attractive in all areas the gestational surrogate is not going to be taking a baby home to care for. That baby has been handed over to the intended parents which can be overwhelming for anyone.
So what can a gestational carrier do for self-care?
Eat well, rest well, let your family care for you, and accept help. This isn’t a time to curl up and avoid the world – embrace the world, don’t isolate, reach out to other gestational surrogates and talk to them about their experiences, write about it and seek professional help if necessary. Above all don’t push yourself – remember you’ve just had a baby, given a set of intended parents with one of the most precious gift of all their child – so yes, you are super woman but that doesn’t mean you have to wear the cape all the time!
To learn more about The Surrogacy SOURCE and their gestational carrier program, please visit us at http://thesurrogacysource.com, one of our experienced caring staff will be happy to assist you in your journey to parenthood, or help you to become a surrogate mother.
October 24th, 2013
In light of the new Nevada bill, passed into law October 1, 2013, expanding parental rights to the LGBT community and to unmarried individuals, The Surrogacy SOURCE recently began actively recruiting gestational carriers in Las Vegas and Reno.
“This is a very exciting milestone in the fight for equal parenting rights within the LGBT community. We are finally able to assist Nevada LGBT intended parents with Nevada gestational carriers.” Says Susan Bloom, Director of Donor Recruitment and Marketing
In addition to expanding parental rights, the new law allows for compensation to be paid to gestational carriers, and also permits pre and post birth instructions for surrogate mothers. The bill also includes modifications to the rights of donated egg and embryo recipients.
The new law, written and lobbied by Kimberly Surratt of Surratt Law Practice in Reno, NV, includes neutral language regarding the gender and marital status of intended parents through the use of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART). While the state’s previous law narrowly defined intended parents as legally married heterosexual couples, the new law recognizes the rights of single individuals, unmarried couples and domestic partners, paving the way for the LGBT community to realize their dreams of becoming parents!
For more information or to fill out an application to become a surrogate mother, please click here: http://www.thesurrogacysource.com/sg_about.htm.
The Surrogacy SOURCE has available surrogate mothers ready to match. To search our roster, please click here: https://www.thesurrogacysource.com/search_results.php
For information on our LGBT Surrogacy Program, click here: http://www.thesurrogacysource.com/lgbt_surrogacy.htm?type=Intended Parent
For more information and the full text of the new law, go to http://www.leg.state.nv.us/Session/77th2013/Bills/AB/AB421_EN.pdf.
October 4th, 2013
Whether you are a pregnant intended mother or a pregnant gestational surrogate carrying for intended parents it’s important to be in the best shape you can be during your pregnancy.
• See your care provider regularly – this one is a no brainer right? Regular prenatal checkups are key to a healthy pregnancy. If you suspect you are running any kind of fever, or have any sort of infection call your care provider right away. Same goes if you spot, bleed, have any sort of discharge that isn’t normal to you, or pain.
• Eat well — that means a balanced diet with enough folic acid. Eat from the four food groups and drink 96 ounces of water a day. Stay hydrated! If you aren’t sure what you should be eating ask your care provider about the right kinds of foods to eat in pregnancy.
• Be active! It used to be thought many years ago that pregnant women needed to lay around and stay quiet – no so anymore. Women who have no complications in their pregnancy are encouraged to get regular exercise – walking, swimming, strength conditioning. Stay hydrated, don’t exercise if you aren’t feeling good or if it’s really hot. Talk to your care provider about those sports and exercises you can safely participate in.
• Don’t scrimp on the Z’s (get plenty of rest) – the baby inside of you is going to increase in size 6 million times! It’s going to take from you to grow that means you need to maintain your rest. Go to bed earlier, get up later, and the best part – take naps! If sleep evades you like it can just lay down and try to be quiet putting your feet up as whenever you can. This is a great time to begin to share housework or other household chores with your partner if you have one. The bigger you get (as your pregnancy advances) begin lying on your left side – and be generous with pillows. One under your belly, one in the small of your back and maybe one between your knees.
• Before you take any medicine talk to your care provider even if they are over the counter. Some OTC meds have been linked to birth defects its always better to be safe than sorry.
• Be proactive and avoid all harmful substances. We know the usual suspects – no smoking, no drinking, and things like paint, varnish, glue, fumes, and some hair dyes are dangerous.
• This isn’t a time to be a dare devil or an acrobat – you are bigger now, your joints are not as stable as they were when you were not pregnant, your belly is ever expanding. Your center of gravity has changed – you won’t be as solid on your feet. Think twice about biking or roller skating – your risk of falling has increased. And please avoid climbing ladders okay? For that matter stay off chairs to hang curtains – ask for help.
Always wear your seat belt when driving or riding in a motor vehicle or plane.
July 16th, 2013
Regardless of whether you are carrying a pregnancy yourself or your gestational surrogate is carrying your baby for you the two week for a positive pregnancy result wait might as well be the two year wait! Everyone involved is always on pins and needles waiting!
Also, it doesn’t matter if this is your first two week wait or your fifth to manage it, to get through it, to survive you have to develop a strategy – better yet a system.
I know, I know, some might say – “Oh gosh it’s just two weeks out of your entire life” and my reply to that is – “Two weeks is a really long time to wait to find out something that is so incredibly important to you and your partner.”
There are lots of ways you can survive. Some create systems that are complicated with lots of rules. Some intended parents or gestational surrogates take fastidious notes regarding symptoms or lack of symptoms. Then many intended parents or their GS’s often POAS (Pee on a stick). That decision can be excruciating and it’s incredibly controversial. Many test early and often – I am an early tester. There is no way I want the nurse on the other end of the phone to be giving me the bad news – I want to already know it and get the ugly cry out of the way. Because we take so many drugs during this time we can drive ourselves nuts with symptoms and that’s a reason why some intended parents just don’t test and wait for the beta.
My first tip:
DISTRACT YOURSELF (Sung to Madonna’s Respect Yourself).
It doesn’t matter what the activity. Sort a sock drawer. Alphabetize and categorize your movie collection. Clean your silver. Clean your home and all of the closets. Keep your daily routine. Go to the gym if your doctor says yes. Start a new craft project. Play games. Organize anything you can get your hands on – (photo’s, books, CD,’s). Start a new book – something funny and light that can sail you through the next two weeks. Talk on the phone, call friends you haven’t talked to in a while but have been meaning to. Email all your friends.
What else –
• If you aren’t undergoing acupuncture go now it’s can’t hurt. Go for a long drive – go check out the part of town or the city or country you have been
• Listen to your favorite music or meditations on CD
• Read something light and funny
• Watch a video or go to the movies
• Chat on the phone, email all your friends
• Sit on a park bench and people-watch
• Make a list of things you’ve never seen in your town (stores or tourist sites you haven’t been to) and then go see them
• How about the zoo? Been there in a while?
• Museums are great time wasters.
• Start an online game –those can pass the time quickly.
• Walk a dog (yours, a friends, or volunteer at a local rescue)
• Get a pedicure
• Retail therapy – GO SHOPPING!
• Cooking! Make that dish you have been meaning to.
• Watch all of the past episodes of The Barefoot Contessa, Master Chef, or Hell’s Kitchen!
• For that matter go on a trash TV marathon!
• Invite a friend over for decaf coffee or tea. Serve fresh Pineapple for the fresh bromelain…
• Check out your local bookstore or library
• Research a place you’d like to vacation
Try going to brunch, or a picnic. How about a club that is smokeless? Garden, plant flowers, go sunbathing! You can always rough it and go camping, take in a lovely sunset, go to the beach—are you looking for a new church or synagogue? I know for me, ice cream makes everything better.
The ideas are endless – the message is, stay busy! And before you know it your beta test or your gestational surrogates beta test will be here.
And then you are on to your next milestone! The first ultrasound!
Hang in there – we are by the sidelines cheering you on!
May 15th, 2013
Lots of intended parents look at gestational surrogacy purely as a business arrangement, while it is a business arrangement it’s also something much more. Let’s face it when intended parents embark upon a gestational surrogacy cycle its new for them – there’s so much unchartered territory to navigate through. Aside from all that it’s downright expensive so heck yes keeping your mind on the dollars part of this is normal.
I can’t help but think that the contract and business piece of this arrangement is just the beginning much like conception of a pregnancy! Yes, the Gestational Surrogate is being compensated for her time, trouble, pain and inconvenience to herself as well as her family; however, the many surrogate mothers I have talked to over the years tell me that they do this because they want to help. Their own pregnancies have been easy and seamless and this seems like a great way to help another family who can’t do what she’s able to do and also perhaps help her family.
Think of it like this – while your Surrogate Mother will form a bond with your baby she is also creating a lifelong bond with you! Carrying a baby for you is what’s making her very happy and just think how joyful she’s going to feel when that baby is placed in your arms.
When you select a gestational surrogate to carry a baby on your behalf you are going to be forging a lifetime relationship. It’s important for you to think about the type of personal involvement you visualize with your surrogate mother – during the IVF cycle, throughout the pregnancy and of course after your baby is born and as your child grows older.
What kind of a person are you? Are you a person who’s going to want a relationship with your surrogate mother? Are you for instance a “hands on” person who’s going to want to have regular interaction with your gestational surrogate in addition to regular updates about the pregnancy and her prenatal care? Many surrogate mothers enjoy regular contact from their intended parents. It helps make the process more personal. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your surrogate mother even after your baby is born? What kind of role do you want your surrogate mother to play in your child’s life? When you explore the above and can answer those questions it’s going to help you decide what kind of relationship you might embark upon with your surrogate mother it and becomes easier to identify the surrogate mother who is going to be most compatible with your family-building ideals and child-raising values.
First thing’s first – talk, talk, and then talk some more. You can’t talk too much when you are in the discovery phase of selecting a gestational surrogate. Once your surrogate mother is selected treat her how you’d like to be treated. Learn about her likes, her dislikes, what bugs her, what causes her anxiety, what makes her happy. Much like you. Regardless of how we look at this – selecting an egg donor or a gestational surrogate is much like dating, this is all about cultivating a forming a relationship.
See a therapist who specializes in fertility – I can’t emphasize that piece enough. A therapist will help you through those portions of the cycle that you both might feel weird about. For instance you might want to know how the surrogate mother is going to feel when she has the baby and the baby is then given to you. Maybe you might feel weird asking that question.
And again, I know this sounds like a broken record but talk, talk and talk some more. It goes both ways the line of communication need to remain open for all parties to be on the same page.
Remember your surrogate mother is wanting nothing more than to make you, the intended parent, happy and feeling good and secure about the choice they made in contracting with her to carry your baby. Again, because this is much like dating sometimes intended parents don’t really know what to say or how to break the ice. This is a woman you don’t know, who is a stranger who’s going to open up her life, her family and her uterus for you so you can become a parent. Kind of intimidating yes?
Skype, call or if you can go see her. Meet her in person. Bring her a small gift, hug her, and send her a card. Let her know how appreciative of her you are. Its super important you are compatible with her and feel comfortable exchanging information and communicating with her.
Schedule regular meetings with her – once a week at least to see how she’s doing or if just to see if she needs anything. This is a great way to show your support. Now I know no one likes anyone looking over their shoulder or micromanaged – these women have been pregnant before they know what it’s like to be pregnant so keep in mind there’s a fine balance! While you don’t want her to feel like she’s a bug under a microscope you don’t want her to feel all alone either.
There’s a lot of trust that goes into this process. Your surrogate mother has common sense and you have to trust her to use it – that means you have to trust her regarding what she eats, how much she sleeps, her overall health, her ability to make her OB appointments and other medical testing that goes with pregnancy.
It’s all about letting go – and relinquishing control which is really hard for anyone to do especially infertility patients who have had to already let go of so much control already regarding their reproductive choices. However, this is imperative if you are going to stay sane throughout this entire process and maintain a positive relationship with your gestational carrier.
The Surrogacy SOURCE staff is here to help guide you through the process, from start to finish (choosing a surrogate mother to joining you at her delivery of your baby).
For more information on The Surrogacy SOURCE, or to view our roster of available surrogates, please visit us at : http://www.TheSurrogacySOURCE.com
April 1st, 2013
The terms Surrogate Mother and Gestational Carrier are often intermixed and sometimes that’s confusing. They are both women who choose to carry a pregnancy for those who cannot carry a pregnancy to term without help. I am going to use the term “surrogate mother” for traditional surrogacy and the term “gestational carrier” for surrogacy where there is no genetic connection on the part of the surrogate for my blog post to keep the confusion at bay.
Did you know there are two kinds of surrogates?
There are traditional surrogates. These are women who use their own egg and are artificially inseminated by the intended fathers or donor sperm. The surrogate mother carries the baby, delivers that baby and then gives that baby to the parents to raise. The traditional surrogate mother is the baby’s biological mother because it’s her egg that was fertilized by the intended father’s sperm.
Now day’s gestational surrogacy is used for most of the surrogacy cycles in the USA. This is a woman who carries a baby that has been conceived using the egg of the intended mother, or an egg donor and sperm from the intended father or a sperm donor. A gestational surrogate mother has no genetic connection to the baby because it wasn’t the gestational surrogate’s egg that was used during the IVF cycle.
These cycles occur with the procedure called in vitro fertilization (IVF). A gestational surrogate is referred to as the birth mother because she carried the baby and in traditional surrogacy the surrogate mother is referred to as the biological mother because her egg was used.
In both situations the baby is carried to term and then the baby is released to the intended parents for them to raise as their child.
Everything you read now says that in the United States gestational surrogacy is not as complex legally, and while that might be true it’s still a complex process that requires lawyers and often a surrogacy agency to help intended parents navigate through uncharted waters.
Did you know about 1400 babies are born yearly through gestational surrogacy? Surrogacy is becoming more common for intended mothers who can’t carry a pregnancy herself due to uterine issues, or the intended mother may have undergone a hysterectomy, or other health issues that might make a pregnancy for the intended mother risky. Sometimes intended mothers use a surrogate when their infertility is unexplained, or they have endured several miscarriages and getting pregnant and carrying to term hasn’t been successful for them. Sometimes couples use a surrogate due to their ages, or their sexual orientation. Surrogates often help gay men create a family either through traditional surrogacy or gestational surrogacy. Sometimes, a single Intended Father will use a surrogate mother and an egg donor. The surrogate carries the baby, gives birth and releases the baby to the intended couple or father.
When gay men choose traditional surrogacy one of the men uses his sperm to fertilize the surrogate mothers egg through artificial insemination (AI). The surrogate mother then carries the baby to term, has the baby and releases the baby to the couple. If a gay couple chooses an egg donor, the donated egg is fertilized in a lab, the embryo(s) are transferred back into the gestational surrogate, and the surrogate carries the baby to term, has the baby and releases the baby to the intended couple.
Whew! Are you still with me?
All different kinds of women choose to be surrogate mothers or gestational carriers. Some women are family members (Mom’s sisters, Aunts, or cousins or in-laws), that are asked to be a surrogate for them. Other women are friends. Because these kinds of arrangements are typically altruistic (no money exchanged and not commercial) the industry views them as somewhat controversial. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) supports and accepts specific family ties that are acceptable for surrogates. However, ASRM doesn’t support surrogacy if the baby would carry the same genes as a child born of incest between first-degree relatives.
There are also women who are commercial surrogates, which means they carry a baby for intended parents for a fee. The majority of surrogates are found through surrogacy agencies. The majority of intended parents seek out a surrogacy agency because these agencies arranged gestational surrogacy. The agency is the liaison between the gestational surrogate and the intended parent. The agency helps the intended parents find the right gestational surrogate for them, they make all the necessary arrangements, collect the monies needed for the cycle, disperse those monies, and manage the surrogacy cycle making sure the surrogate complies with her contract, as well as making sure the surrogate’s needs are met during the pregnancy while keeping the intended parents informed and in the loop along the way.
As of date there are no legal regulations that state who can and can’t be a surrogate mother. The industry has established standards and all experts agree on specific criteria in regards to who should be and who should not be a surrogate.
All surrogate mothers should be the minimum age of 21 years old and have already given birth to at least one healthy baby, and has at least one child under the age of 18 still living in the household. This is so the surrogate understands what pregnancy and childbirth are about, what it means to have a baby, and be a parent.
The surrogate must be deemed healthy physically and mentally. Surrogates must always pass a psychological screening by a mental health professional. This is so the MHP can explore or uncover any sort of potential emotional issues the surrogate may have regarding releasing a baby to the intended parents after birth.
ASRM advocates that all surrogates have a complete medical evaluation as well as a pregnancy history to assess the likelihood of a healthy, full-term pregnancy. ASRM also recommends screening for infectious diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, cytomegalovirus, and hepatitis B and C along with being screened for immunity to measles and rubella as well as the chicken pox. Potential surrogate mothers will also undergo a GYN exam to ensure the uterus is normal to make sure that the potential to carry a pregnancy and also the surrogate has her own OBGYN, not the same physician as the intended mother.
Please feel free to post your comments or questions. Or, just share your experience as a surrogate or intended parent.
Whether you are a woman looking to be a gestational surrogate mother, or an Intended Parent looking for more information on utilizing a surrogate mother with or with/out donor eggs…please visit our website at: http://www.TheSurrogacySOURCE.com and http://www.TheDonorSOURCE.com
February 18th, 2013
In a day of E-mail, Facebook, Pinterest, Blogging, and LinkedIn the lines of privacy are blurred. The reality is nothing and I mean nothing that is posted, sent, or shared over the Internet is private, safe, or secure.
What’s considered personal information when embarking upon a surrogacy cycle as an intended parent? Never ever give out social security numbers, your physical address, telephone numbers, places of work, release of medical information, to anyone but your attorney, IVF clinic, or your psychologist – especially before the legal contract is in place, signed, sealed and delivered between both parties.
You might be thinking “Well no kidding, everyone knows that!” However, you’d be surprised how naïve some can be on both sides of the party.
Unfortunately in the world of egg donation and especially surrogacy there are those who are unscrupulous who will attempt to scam intended parents as well as those who are posing as intended parents but in actuality are looking for a way to steal your identity. It happens every day.
This business is emotional – you are excited to finally get the ball rolling, begin your family, you are excited to be matched both as a surrogate mother and as an intended parent. But you need to remember that your safety comes first and you need to protect yourself and your family.
Like we tell our kids when they are online don’t give out your personal information. Intended parents don’t need to know your social security number, your driver’s license number, place of work, date of birth, or where you live. This goes the same for surrogate mothers – they don’t need to know this information either.
The IVF clinic and your attorney are the only parties who should have access to your personal identity information and who would have access to your medical records. Even your attorney would need a signed release from you releasing your medical records to him or her. The psychologist who will be hired during your surrogacy cycle will only have access to the information you allow him or her to have access to. It’s not just cart blanche for anyone to see.
This is all about being aware, learning about who you will be working with during your surrogacy cycle, how much you know about them and establishing a relationship of trust.
Your identity is incredibly important – don’t risk it for anyone.
If you have any words of wisdom for intended parents or surrogate mothers, please feel free to share, we’d love to hear from you!
November 6th, 2012
Yes, you read that right…go with your gut, go with your instincts, go with your feelings…Do NOT just push ahead without acknowledging that something has given you pause in your surrogacy journey!
Too many Intended Parents, desperate as most are when they reach the decision to move ahead with a surrogacy situation, IGNORE crucial facts and gut feelings that are staring them in the face. They have met their potential surrogate mother online or through a friend…BUT….its the BUT that needs to be explored. BUT the woman / surrogate mother is on medicaid, But she is 19, But she doesn’t have transportation, But her husband, boyfriend/significant other is against the arrangement OR pushing for more money, But she has put ALL 3 of her children up for adoption, But she is hard to contact, But she is slow to make appointments…it can go on and on…what is THAT telling YOU? It is telling you, Intended Parent, to move on! Surrogacy is not something to jump into, take lightly or think money will cure these issues. Make sure that you have a comfort level you can live with before you sign that contract.
A surrogacy agency might be the answer for you! Contact The Surrogacy SOURCE. They can offer expert guidance and advice. You may never be 100% comfortable but YOU can be reassured that moving in the same direction with the right agency will alleviate most of the”But” factors.
September 4th, 2012
Wouldn’t it be great to have a crystal ball and know what your future holds for you and your new potential Intended Parents?
It may seem easy once you make the decision to become a surrogate mother. You read profiles, letters and pick a likely candidate. You might exchange e-mails or talk on the phone. You hear stories of hopes, dreams, complications and confusion. You share your values and lifestyle. And then perhaps a date…lunch? Dinner? Ahhhh the glow, the euphoria of finding the “right” match. And then drip – drip – drip it starts to rain on the parade…just a drizzle at first. Nothing to stop the momentum, you can still see a slice of blue sky, but you get out the umbrella anyway. Perhaps this happens during contract negations. The IP’s who were once so grateful for finding you want you to lower your “fee”. (by 25% and Heavens! NO! they do not want to use an escrow agent!!) They want you to promise not to work during the pregnancy but they don’t want to pay you for lost wages either. They want you to use your insurance at the fertility clinic so that they don’t have to pay for the medications. (Thankfully most clinics won’t do this any longer.) They want you to go to Florida or Illinois for the transfer but don’t want to pay child care for YOUR KIDS while you are gone. Hummmmmm, If this pattern is starting now, during the contract phase, what’s to say that it will be any different when you are pregnant? Maybe it’s time to rethink this surrogacy match.
I know of many women who just WANT to be surrogate mothers SO BADLY they are willing to overlook a multitude of red flags. They start out on their own, in order to save their IP’s money. But when things start to go south, you can say no. You can back that train up and get OFF. Before you commit to medical testing (where the IP’s start to spend money on the relationship they are building with you), PLEASE make it clear what YOUR expectations are.
This is why a great agency would benefit you! Your first conversation with them would be where you stand on your base fees, benefits, selective reduction, abortion and everything that is near and dear to your heart. They would find Intended Parents who would be the right fit for you. A great agency like The Surrogacy Source would do your homework with you…supporting you every step of the way. Give us a call today and see how we can work together to make your dreams come true!
Toll free: 877-375-8888 or visit our website: http://www.thesurrogacysource.com
June 28th, 2012
You read right!
The Surrogate Mother’s Husband…or ‘YOUR’ surrogate Mother’s husband plays an important, if not understated, role in the entire surrogacy journey. From the start he must get his mind wrapped around the fact that HIS woman wants to carry another man’s child. The same woman who may have stated “That’s IT! We are NOT having any MORE CHILDREN!!” (this often happens when 2 children under the age of 4 are hanging on her legs screaming for a snack and the one in her arms is spitting up formula) Once he understands that her statement perhaps meant that she doesn’t want to raise any more children of her own but carrying one for 9 months is fine, then he may relax a little…until he finds out that HE needs to be psychologically tested…and tested for STD’s (how long IS that cotton swap for a Chlamydia test?) AND sign a contract agreeing to all sorts of things that he wouldn’t normally think about..(allowing Intended Parents (IP’s) to put HIS partner on life support if necessary?) He may not realize that although he agreed to support his wife/significant other in her quest to be a surrogate mother, that HE may have to step in when the IP’s call when she isn’t feeling well, that HE will have to take care of their children when she is on bed rest after her egg transfer, or at appointments, that HE will have to give multitude of shots loaded with hormones that turn HER into a Witch (whom he has to actually live with!), that HE will have to miss work when she is in the hospital giving birth, that HE will have to hold her when she is sick, tired, scared, crying, that he can’t have any sexual intercourse (for HOW long??)…all because of this surrogacy that SHE wanted to do! Ahhh the unsung heroes!
Intended parents out there….Intended DAD’s especially, should step up NOW and thank the God above for these men who are the main support of your wonderful surrogate mother. Without them, these surrogate mom’s may end up on YOUR door step at 2 am for ice cream and pickles and a foot rub….or just to complain!
If you have a story about a special surrogate Dad who rose to heights you never imagined during your surrogate journey, please share with us!
March 20th, 2012
When a woman first thinks about becoming a surrogate mother, often times the thing that comes to mind is how easy it was for HER to have become pregnant and given birth to her own child/ren. We often hear a woman state “my husband just has to look at me and I become pregnant” or “we just talked about adding to our family and the next thing we knew, we were expecting number 4!”. But we all know that is not how surrogacy works! (and if you don’t then just read on!)
First of all a surrogate mother’s husband is not involved in getting her pregnant! His sperm has nothing to do with the process so if the intended parents are having male factor issues, that right there could mean a long haul for everyone involved. For a Gestational Surrogate (also referred to as Gestational Carrier), her eggs are not being used in this process either so if egg quality is a factor that could mean failed transfers as well. For a woman, the new surrogate mother, who has never experienced failure when attempting to become pregnant, this could be an unwelcome experience!
Second, becoming pregnant via IVF is no picnic. As many intended mothers can tell you, the pills, shots, creams, blood draws and appointments can get old fast! It is a huge responsibility to agree to become a surrogate mother for someone else and agree to put your own life and, lets face it, physical comfort on hold while you attempt to become pregnant with someone else’s child.
Third, your family also is impacted by whatever happens during the surrogacy journey. No matter if the process goes relatively smoothly or if there are canceled transfers, chemical pregnancies, miscarriages or a rift in the relationship, families are always involved and effected.
All of these issues can be minimalized by having a great surrogacy agency by your side. The initial phone call should educate a woman who wants to become a surrogate mother to all of the responsibilities that she needs to be aware of within the surrogacy process. And these responsibilities will be repeated throughout the matching and contract phase of the program. No surrogate mother should have any question about what is expected of her or where she can turn for answers and support!
This is just the tip of the iceberg and we want to hear your comments!
What were your biggest surprises when you first looked into surrogacy? What are some of the things you wish you knew when you started the process of becoming a surrogate mother?
Please share your best advice! We want to hear from you!!
March 9th, 2012
Relationships are tricky no matter what type they are; marriage, co-workers, and family all have certain expectations when it comes to how a relationship should be between the people involved. Society may have one general expectation but each individual, race and religion also has their own thoughts and feelings on the subject as well. It’s very complicated when you really think about all of the different relationships out there. So let’s fold in surrogacy where one woman is carrying a baby for another person or couple. What is that relationship supposed to be like? How is it all ‘managed’?
Society still is having problems with their thinking on this subject! Just read the news where the focus is the ‘womb for rent’ or ‘selling body parts’ or the ‘exploitation of women’ when the subject of surrogacy arises. The reality is that there is a very real relationship between the Intended Parent(s) and the surrogate mother and her family. What needs to be acknowledged is the fact that the communication that happens is not between the growing fetus and the surrogate but between the Intended Parent(s) and their surrogate mother. This working together toward a shared goal, building a family, is a great foundation for a wonderful relationship between all parties…and not a superficial one either. An evolving relationship which will take some work, and guidance at times.
This is where a good agency can come into play. A surrogacy agency is the backbone of any great intended parent / surrogate mother relationship. The case manager knows all parties involved and works closely with everyone. From the first introduction, through the signing of the contracts and the embryo transfer, a good manager will be supporting the relationship between surrogate mother and intended parent(s) in every way she can. During the pregnancy, birth and even after the baby arrives safely home, the surrogacy agency is there to share, guide and lead, if necessary, the surrogate mother and intended parents through the process of building a relationship that could potentially last many years to come.
We will be touching on the subject of surrogacy and the relationships that come out of such an interesting pairing as our blog matures. We would love to hear how your surrogacy relationship came to be and any advice you would like to share.
All comments welcomed!
March 9th, 2012
We are so excited to share with you news and information from the fertility community as well as from within The Surrogacy SOURCE family! There is so much to know and experience and who better to write all about it other than the members of The Surrogacy SOURCE team?
We invite you to participate in any way you feel comfortable by sending in your questions, commenting on our articles or sharing your own surrogacy related issues and concerns. We will do our very best to answer you. Some of our upcoming posts will cover the topics of staying stress free during your surrogacy journey, emotions involved after the birth, insurance and surrogacy, plus the financial aspects Intended Parents can expect when starting on their own family building plan via gestational carrier surrogacy.
All of us at The Surrogacy SOURCE are so happy to be in the position to assist women who are called upon to give the greatest gift…The hope of a family. We are here to guide Intended parents who are looking for that special surrogate mother to help them and to support those surrogate mothers and Intended Parents through our very thorough and successful surrogate mother program.
We welcome you!